Ben Jammin and the Whalers

[This is an old one]
I ate whale meat today! I was at an "izzakayia". Which is like a "gastropub" in the UK. Which, for us Americans, means beer and food at the same time. What a concept! The drinking situation is confusing here. They don't have standing bars, only sitting down at table type ones. Which is an entirely different establishment than a "Restaurant". These are incredibly small. Usually seat 5-10 people. You're expected to order and eat food with your drinks. As opposed to back at home, where you avoid the bar food at all costs. So on a given night, you go out for food and beer and after that you go to a smaller place for beer and food.

Anyways, here's how it went down.

Me: Hmm.. french fries, rice cakes, miso, chicken and "#$*!@"..... what the heck is "#$*!@"
My friend Mark: Oh.. that's whales meat. Japan is like the only country who still whales.
Me: I beg to differ... the US can still wail pretty hard! (Over here I'm a dumb joke factory, I don't know why this is).

Mark: .....

Me: Yeah I'd read about that a while back. But who the heck would wan't to eat whale meat?

(seconds later)

Me: One whale meat, please.

I guess I had to see what the fuss was all about. Also, I felt it my civic duty to stick it to the peace corps. In your face PEAS CORPSE! (Actually I'm neutral to against on this issue, but I always thought it best to taste both sides of the argument. And the pro-side has a good point on the grounds of flavoriciousness). So it was pretty damn good. Not better than say a rare steak, but a nice meaty fishy taste which is really a lot closer to rabbit and other such bloody, gamey type meats. So, I feel a little guilty.. but full. I hope god's not a whale.

Alright already, Ben. Enough is enough! Get yer fingers amovin'.

I blame this lapse in updates on my lack of excitement here... and society... and the parents. Yeah, the parents are always to blame... The society of unexciting parents!(whomever they may be) That's why I can't keep this gall-darn thing going. Sorry all, but there has been just nothing new to report. Holy heck, I haven't even called home since I got back here! This may have to be a blog on the difficulty of writing blogs, which just so happens to be set in a Japanesque land.

Which reminds me, my band of thieves has hereby renamed the county from whence this travelog originates as Japants. Similarly, the inhabitants of said country are the Japanties. Childish; yes, but not without a certain subtle hilarity. Case in point; here is what happens when you google "Japanties"... yep.. that pretty much sums up how I understand my surroundings on any given day. Well, not the English room. That is my space. There, I can post articles about Obama, explain to the kids who Shakespeare is or even teach them how to explode a knuckle bump. Yes, I taught them that! (the 10 minute passing period is too long).


But back to the confusion stuff. At lunch time today, I noticed there was a crazyness in the air. A certain panic and calling of many parents on phones. These words I can understand. "Mother", "Father", "Student," "Influenza", "sensei restbreak" (sick day) and so on. By the time I got to my last class of the day, 20 students are missing. 20 STUDENTS! Out of 42. Thats only the 7th graders! There are 6th and 8th graders too...maybe? Everyone is gone. And this all happened today. I've never seen anything like this. Oh wait.. I have!

So the next update may be from the hospital or beyond the grave. Please send strong drugs, plenty of cough syrup (my brand is "grandpa's old") and notify Dustin hoffman immediately.

Actually, I am feeling pretty good. For once, I'm the healthy one. When I first arrived, I brought with me a doozy of a pandemic that Whitney and I had been cooking up together. Alas, it really only affected the other teachers, which meant more work for me and students skipping other classes to crash and disrupt mine. I had a feeling this landed me firmly in the realm of "diseased foreigner". That, coupled with my strange eating habits (today's lunch: hardboiled egg, raw carrot and chocolate), general scruff-mugged disheveliness (compared to the clean-shaven, gel-haired, suited and booted salarymen look of my peers) and the fact that I refuse to wear the "asian face mask" thingy, cast a bit of doubt on the trustworthiness of my health. Which has been admittedly dubious at times. At least my continuing health now proves that eating garbage and drinking the sewagey tap water only builds an indellible immune system!

It's been ages since I've written. I thought I should keep these in order, but that is only prolonging my entries. So I'll try and keep up and add the past ones later.
It's the last two days of class. I've been teaching the kids "I will" future tense statements. What will you do over winter holiday is apparently too hard for the third year students. It seems I am teaching at what we're not supposed to call a "low level English school". It means that the students study english for three years and can't tell me what they will do over break.
Likewise, my Japanese sucks. We played "description basket" in Japanese today. You say everyone who has (whatever) on. Then those people switch chairs. I switched when they said "who is wearing a school uniform" and I didn't run when they said description basket. Yep, I get to be the goofy foreign guy everyday!
I'm outta here on Friday! I miss my people back at home. I had brief thoughts of packing up all my (important) stuff. Just in case I don't want to come back. Haha. But that's probably a bad idea. They say foreigners get really depressed in the winter here. There is even a line graph showing the typical moods I can expect to have. It's pretty funny and it lightens my mood just looking at it. I'll scan it if I get a chance.

Dropping Bombs and Obamas

So, all the kids want to know who I voted for. Naturally, I would tell them that voting is for squares and that I never vote. Haha, just kidding. But, seing as how they don't know words like 'square' or 'chump' or 'sucker', I tell them that it's personal information. I do tell them that I am suprised, however, at the results. Historically I am grossly incorrect in my predictions of the elections, this time was no different. The children are all excited about Obama. This was also a suprise to me. I remember not giving a flying Fuji about politics when I was thier age. Likewise, I don't know who thier prime minister is... I do remember Abe whatshisface, but that was a year or so ago. I could pick the Emperor out of a lineup but can't remember his name right now. Anyway the day is full of suprises.

Which brings us to point number 2 of the day. Eastern toilets, like the chopstick, are old fashioned and difficult to use. Similarly, I am dealthy afraid of dropping material onto my clothes when I use them, if you know what I mean. If at all possible, it is advisable for one to use the facilities at home. However occasionally, you have to do your business at school. For those who don't know, the Eastern toilet is essentially a hole in the ground that flushes. Nothing to sit on nothing to grab a hold of. Using your imagination, you can understand why I am paranoid about having dirty pantlegs.

Today I was faced with such a challenge. It seemingly went off without a hitch, but you can never tell. I felt confident in my appearance untill class, 30 minutes later, wherein a student began to laugh and point wildly at my my lower leg region. Normally, I can't be embarrased by my students (I will tell you the detials of this necessary emotional fortitude another time), but, had I entered a classroom sporting a fecal decal, I don't know what I'd do to save face.

The other teacher soon translated what the children were saying just as I was beginning to pour sweat. Turns out, my socks have holes in them (remember no shoes indoors). I turned this into part of today's lesson, "Does and Doesn't". Please fill in the blank.

Does Ben need new socks? Yes he _____.

[ Does Ben have poopy pants? No he doesn't. Thank god!]

Osakaben

Well, it has been a week and a half since I have been able to find the time to write. Every journal is always the same. First few pages are full, followed by 100 blanks. This time will be different, or so I will tell myself yet again.
First things first. Teaching during my first week. For those who don’t know, I am teaching Junior High School (ages 12-14). I do team teaching, which means that there is always a Japanese teacher present to explain things in Japanese and to maintain the order of the class. Or so I would think. Here’s the thing that I did not expect. Discipline here is way different. The idea is that the teachers are much more involved in the student’s lives than the teachers at home. You might say that the teachers will know as much about the student’s lives as the parents do. So, when a few of the not so well behaved students get noisy or lose interest in the lesson, the teacher will often ignore them until they stop. This results in what I like to call the ‘floating student syndrome.’ More often than not, it is quite hilarious and difficult to hide my smiles and laughter. For example. My first class on my first day, a student simply gets up out of his seat without uttering a single word, walks across the room and performs a bongo solo on another student’s head. I thought it was pretty damn funny… the class clowns at home got nothing on these guys. Hat’s off to you gentlemen! I waited for the Teacher to discipline the student, but it never happened. So I thought, maybe this is how it always is.
The next class, the students were perfectly behaved. A teachers dream.. just like in the States. Upon viewing this class, I realized that it’s not against the rules to misbehave it is merely decriminalized. I heard somewhere that it is illegal to kick the kids out of class like we do in the US when students misbehave. No sending to the principals office here (admittedly hearsay though).
Also the students ask me funny personal questions that are hilariously phrased. Two of my favorites so far are: “Are you a condom fan?” and one student wrote me a note “Do you raiku Bem?” I didn’t no how to answer either question. I answered “No” to both meaning that “No, that’s not an appropriate/real question.” Both times resulted in an uproar of laughter anyway. I guess they outsmarted me.
After that, my classes have been going off with few unexpected hitches. I think I7ve put myself to sleep with some of the lessons I’ve been required to give, but some classes have a karma disciplinary plan in action. If you fall asleep, you run the risk of waking up with pen all over your face (Hey, just like drinking with your friends!!) or getting pelted with erasers from other students. (Hey, just like drinking with the crazy guy under the bridge!!) So it’s all nice and familiar.
Today is Halloween. I’ve given my Halloween lessons all week, which included this rare gem from 1987 (courtesy of Duane “Headbanger” Morse. Center 2nd row.) As I write this, I am dressed as Luigi from the Mario Brothers video game and am at school. The kids love it, but I keep getting my hat stolen from me (Rather fitting actually, as this happens quite often in the Mario Brothers video game [Nintendo64 platform])
The classes went great today, the students were genuinely interested [in my costume] and participated much more than usual. Also, the peanut butter cups were a hit in the teachers lounge. Can you imagine a country without Reese’s? Although in Japan’s defense, the Ritz crackers here destroy the ones we have at home. I think they are deep fried in a vat of butter and nicotine because they turn you into a junkie instantly.
Today I played soccer with the kids at lunch. It was a bit difficult to run and kick in overalls and boots, but I did manage to work up quite a sweat just in time for a teacher to come get me and tell me I was late for my next class. The students ignore the bells when a good game gets going…. My kinda kids!!! So my last class enjoyed a sopping wet lesson on does and doesn’t from a stinky and partially dressed farmer looking guy. (Hey, just like drinking out in the woods!!) Ok this one counts for 2 entries. Thanks for tuning in. Next week we’ll have the musical comedy of the smothers brothers and special guest Carnac the Magnificent APPLAUSE

Pictures soon to follow.

01. The First Few Steps

I'm big in Japan. Indeed. I decided to start this blog to keep people updated on what I'm doing over here. The name of the blog is taken from the eponymous song by my long time favorite musician, Tom Waits. Seemed appropriate at the time but may be subject to change.

It's my first week and I'm getting acclimated. The other JETs (JETs are also ALTs but not all ALT's are JETs) tell me I am doing well with sleeping habits, directions and speaking (had a head start on Japanese). My fellow Kishiwada ALT's (Assistant Language Teachers) are really nice and incredibly helpful. I am thankful for my placement as others were not so lucky.
My apartment is small, as expected, but the distribution of space is where the trouble is. There is plenty of space in my tatami room (which has no tatami mats in it, so I guess its just my living room) but everything else is supremely tiny. The kitchen is a small cubby in the entry hallway about the size of a normal kitchen sink in America. Yep, that's my WHOLE kitchen. I'm still figuring out where to keep my food and dishes because it seems like its either one or the other. The apartment is skinny and deep 10"x 30". I can touch one wall with my finger and the other with my toe. Becuase my predecessor left in a hurry, I inherited all his stuff for free which saved me a ton of money and time on furnishing the place. He even left me a couple bottles of hooch. Good man.
I've been organizing the place and unpacking mostly, but the other JET's have taken me out a few times since I got here.
First was my welcome party dinner. We ate Yakiniku (Literally=Grilled Beef) which included some beef that was not cooked at all. Tasted pretty good. Turns out drinking is a big part of Japanese life, and far be it from me to go against the society, so I've been getting to know my colleagues and the locals over drinks more than I had anticipated. I graced a few little watering holes including a japanese reggae/surf bar and the aptly named "Booze". Both JET favorites.

Last night was my first big adventure into Osaka-shi (Osaka City). I met many former JETs and ALTs who are here for a wedding. We went out for eats and drinks in the busy but touristy part of town (Sorta like Union Square). Then split up into groups and hit the town. I got a great tour from Nick and Hisa (an ALT and a Kishiwada local) missed my train home and slept in an armchair in a tiny cubicle [hotel]. You pay 1500 Yen ($15) and get a little chair in a cubicle in a large room for 6 hours. All the comic books you can read, tv and internet included. This place is for people with time to kill or nowhere to go after hours.

I start teaching next week sometime. I'm excited to start.

I tried to take pictures of my place, but its so small I can't get far back enough to show it properly.

So far so good. I'll end here and will be fielding questions as I go.

Today I miss people at home terribly.

# of Gaigokujin(foreigner) cliche's experienced: 3
1) Hit head on ceiling
2) Overpaid for dinner (no tips here)
3) Drunken KARAOKE after midnight!!